Postpartum Musings

Let me paint you a picture....

I've read all the books on pregnancy. I took all the vitamins and avoided everything that was off limits to pregnant women. The nursery is done. Baby's clothes are washed and uber organized in drawers/closet. The freezer is stocked with meals. Now all we need is to bring home our little bundle! But then what......???


It's been 4 weeks since our sweet little guy made his debut....and what a crazy 4 weeks it has been! There is no doubt that this has been the best and the hardest time of my life. Nothing I read, discussed, or did during pregnancy really prepared me for having a newborn.

I discovered that we as women laugh about things like pooping  during labor and sleep deprivation, however, we are evil in nature, as we do not really share the truth. I mean the REAL truth truth. Or perhaps women are stupid and we do not heed the advice from others?

 I'm not really sure, but I figured I would share a few things I've learned over the past few weeks....

1.) An epidural, while a WONDERFUL invention, is not painless. If the anesthesologist hits a nerve, you are in for a whole lot of suck. Also, it may not kick in right away. However, if you are persistant and annoying, you can get your epidural quickly! (and don't get me wrong, I will take the short-term pain from the procedure over hours of contractions.) (I ain't no hero!)

2.) After labor and all the drugs have worn off, you begin to realize that the majority of your body hurts. Not just your...ahem...lady parts, but your arms, your back, your neck---from all the pushing! If they offer you a percocet, take it.

3) So about all that pushing.... hemmorrhoids are real. They can (and will) happen to you. Take the percocet.

4.) Before the nurses shoo you away into recovery, you must first walk to the bathroom and do #1. No biggie, right? Walking and peeing are both skills I mastered nearly 30 years ago. That is....until December 22, when walking felt like I'd been horse back riding on a saddle made of nails....and then when I finally reached the porcelin thrown, it was like my body had forgotten how to function. Peeing became another new goal (kind of like getting the baby out). Warm squirt bottles and little tinkle victories, friends. Oh, and again: Percocet.

5.) DO NOT bother packing much for the hospital in terms of clothing. I had some cute soft jammies, but after I realized that everything south of the equator was like a murder scene, I stayed in my hospital gowns. No need to ruin soft jams!

6.) To piggy back off #5: Granny panties. Invest.

7.) Use the hospital nursery to its fullest. This may be the last time you sleep. Ever.

8.) Newborn babies cry. A LOT. Like, sometimes all the time. Your baby may hate to be wet or dirty, so they may cry. However, he may hate being changed, so he may cry. Don't take it personal. Your beet-faced munchkin will eventually let up. Or maybe not.

9.) You love your baby, but those first 2 weeks kind of blow. You think you will never sleep again. You might be partially right, but baby can get on a schedule eventually. But during those first 2 weeks, forget it. No sleep. Caffiene drip, please.

10.) Postpartum hormones are jacked up. You can go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in a matter of minutes. Why am I crying, you ask? It could be a number of things. I'm overwhelmed with happiness from the birth of my son..... I just ate a deli sandwich for the first time in 9 months....or maybe I just forgot where I put my favorite hair tie. The possibilities are endless!

11.) The baby blues are NORMAL. Do not feel bad for feeling sad sometimes. Your life has just completely changed and it will never be the same again. This was something that I knew, but I didn't really understand. It may take a few weeks to get out of this crazy funk, but make sure you talk with your partner and friends about your feelings. It's normal to feel frustrated, guilty, and like a big, fat mom failure. Just keep sharing those feelings--- It helps!!! Eventually, this mom thing feels more natural and routine.

12.) Oh yeah, sometimes your baby will only sleep 30 minutes at a time. Sometimes he may only want to sleep while being held. Sometimes he will lull you into thinking he's asleep, but, he's not. 

13.) Don't look at yourself in the mirror on the way to the shower that first week. Everything is....lumpy and different. I mean Picasso. For reals. Things start looking better after a couple of weeks. But not the stretch marks. Those churls are there to stay.

14.) Your day revolves around the clock. When did baby eat, pee, or poop?? How long did he nap?? Wait, he pooped 10 times today??? Did we feed him Taco Bell?????

15.) You will worry about things you've never worried about before....like the baby's poop. Color, consistancy, frequency. Take notes and be prepared to bother the pediatrician.

16.) You will have a new appreciation for pediatric doctors. And you will be thankful you did not choose that career path.

17.) Your once clean house is now in need of sweeping, mopping, and dusting. Your laundry may never get done ever again. Oh well, NAPS now are better options than cleaning. You can clean another day. Maybe when the baby is in kindergarten?

18) And one more....the love you feel for your baby is out of this world....nothing I can explain.

After 4 weeks of having baby home, I'm feeling like I have a handle on life again. If I could ever give a new mom any kind of advice, it would be this.....good luck. No matter what I tell you, it won't prepare you. Our babies are different and what worked for me may or may not work for you. However, just be ready for the best, the worst, the hardest, and most rewarding time of your life. Covered in yellow, seedy poop. (No worries--that is healthy!)

And here are a few pics from the past few weeks adventures! :) Enjoy!