Purpose

Today was my post-op appointment. I wasn't overly concerned about going in to the doctor, as I have been feeling empowered this week--much better than last. (Although, let me tell you, being at an OB's office after miscarriage is not the place to hang out.) The exam went very well: the surgery was a success, everything looked great, and I was given the all clear. Also, I had a very good heart to heart with my doctor, which helped alleviate some of my apprehension. (some)

As I was leaving the building,  I paused for a moment to reflect on all of the events leading up to today. It's only been four weeks since I cried in that very parking lot after the first ultrasound. Four weeks. Is that all?? It feels like a lifetime ago we saw our little Bean for the first time. So much has happened in such a short amount of time.

Like I said before, this week I have felt overall better than last. Something I've learned (am learning) through this period of heartache is not allowing myself to dwell about what might have been if we hadn't of miscarried. My morning commutes are often long, so I've been using that as my quiet time to listen and talk with God. I have found myself pondering the "what-ifs" during this time and that is when this revelation was laid on my heart: every life has a purpose, no matter how short or long that life is lived. Although our baby's life was much shorter than what we wanted, Bean's purpose was full-filled in those brief weeks he was with us. There are no 'what-ifs' for his life. Living this is a task easier said than done, but I am working on it!

God is the author of peace, not confusion, even when reality is hard to accept.